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October 8, 2009

Let’s start this right, right?

That kid should win every award ever, even lifetime achievement awards, for unions and organizations he has no affiliation to. We all should. I would listen to speeches like this before last year’s San Francisco Comedy Competition, not the kid kind, but more specifically the Billy Bob Thorton from Friday Night Lights speech, which is actually an interlude on an Explosions in the Sky CD. Why did I have to write all that. Anyways, I too love to be inspired, and this kid should inspire us all adorably by learning all the great coach movie speeches, and dressing accordingly for all of them. OH WOW, what if he learned the Animal House one? I’d probably pee my pants is what! I finished very far behind in that comeptition BTWs, but not cause I wasn’t inspired. Rather, I took mushrooms in the redwoods, found an ounce of marijuana. Then I had too much marijuana, in my pockets, in my bag, in my car, and most importantly in my head. Badtimes, so bad that I found myself addicted to video solitaire for an entire month.

I’m better now, we all are.

Lastnight I did a show where a girl was the absolute antithesis to this kid. She was mean, and boring, and a vacuum for joy. She tried to wreck Eric Andre’s set, which was awesome, and because of that, I had to punish her. At some points it came off chauvinistically, but let me assure you, the only reason she got such a healthy dose of justice, was because she was too small to hurt me, and I only fight giants I know can’t fight back. Moral of the story, don’t start a fight with a dragon, cause dragon’s breathe fire, and they’ll burn your boobs.

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