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V.W.O.B. #7 More like Can’t-A-Da…

February 25, 2010

My name is Andy Haynes, and I don’t support that title, but I did write it.

So I’ve been away for a few days, missing some of the Olympic melee, but then again, I’m poor, and I also apparently have black lung. At least that’s what WebMD is saying. Thanks for the health insurance wealthiest/dumbest nation. Anyways, aside from watching a lot of boblsedding crashed, they looked traumatic, and the ladies team short track final, Hockey has seemed to dominate the entire gauntlet of coverage. Most likely cause it is actually a sport, that you see more often then every four years, and not on ESPN Classic 2.

Oh Canada…

I’m not going to pretend that I know anything about hockey. I like it. I know Ovechkin and Crosby are good. I remember that Gretzky was like a Canadian Michael Jordan. All my Canadian friends love it, and I get that same kind of pretend excited that I do when I’m around American sports guy. Like if I don’t act excited, I’m going to get gay-bashed. But overall I don’t know much.

Having said that I’ve been trying to stay aloft of the games, which to my understanding are like the Hockey world cup, since there isn’t one really. I love anytime you get professional athletes taken out of their element and playing for nation and not paychecks; it becomes a different game. It kind of sucks that there isn’t fighting, but then they’d have to let the other sports fight too. What would the biathlon be reduced to other than a bloody pile of unknown athletes wrapped in lycra suits. HOW IS THAT A SPORT? I mean the combination, I never ski with my gun.

Back to the matter, how apparent is my ADD?

So Canada got their asses kicked by us last week, and everyone was thrilled. I want to support America, and I do in most events, but like soccer, I can’t support the US in hockey. It seems wrong. I don’t care about hockey in the NHL, why would I care more when its got my flag on it. Sure we’re the home of the league, numbers wise, and I think there’s a lot of die hard fans, but I can’t just jump on the band wagon cause its where I’m from. I feel the same way about soccer,  but more so, and especially since for the most part Americans don’t really get or support it. When we win a major soccer game, its, for the most part, some fat spoiled kid who gets carted from games in the family suburban, and he’s excited by the win cause he’s told that that’s his team. Anywhere else in the world its a matter of national integrity, people sleep and breath loss and victory, and the child watching on some too small TV, will be devastated when he has to burden that loss when he goes back to work at the shoe factory where he makes cleats for the fat American kid. He doesn’t even get a capri-sun on his work break. I guess that scenario doesn’t apply to everywhere else. And I know that Canada isn’t poor like that, but they really give a fuck about the sport. A great example of the divide, is when the NHL Championship game was at the Anaheim whatever pavillion two years ago, most people in LA didn’t know that the game was happening. We just don’t deserve a win.

See how much we suck.

I would like to see us face Canada in the finals, so we have to beat Finland, and Canada has to beat Slovakia, which should happen, and then rematch. That way they can beat us, and regain their national pride. Also, we won’t have to shut the Canadian border again, like during the Pig and Potato war. You guys remember that right, it was 1859. I really just don’t want to jeopardize my ability to go to Vancouver, smoke good pot publicly, and hit on Australian backpackers when they’re on their gap year.

I still really like this kid…

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 26, 2010 6:35 pm

    You better be covering the ladies figure skating program!!! I would be interested to hear your take. I am very invested in this! CAMMAN.

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