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Hotlanta…

April 5, 2010


I’ve replaced sleep with coffee for yet another night, as well as morning now. Its a shitty substitute, but we’ll make the best of it and trudge forward. I’m at Danneman’s Coffeeshop in some part of Atlanta, I believe near Five Points? The neighborhood looks vaguely like an August Wilson set, but replace working class folk with hipsters, although this seems like pioneer territory, i.e. I was a little nervous walking. Those nerves might be part of the paranoia caused by negative sleep. I could be in Green Acres right now, and feel like I’m in the Wire, with the current preview of a breakdown happening in my brain right now. This isn’t going well so far.
Shit is good though, dare I say great. I boarded a train in Greenville, SC this morning at 5am, and rode three hours into ATL as the sun broke. Luckily it wasn’t hot yet while I hiked to the MARTA station in Buckhead and road down to here. Why am I here exactly? Cause I have a plane in five hours. Why this coffeeshop? Cause I’m such a sissy that I Google coffeeshops in cities I’m headed to, so I don’t have to drink anything less than great. Yep, that’s the type of life I lead, a bad day is when my coffee isn’t gourmet. I deserve a natural disaster.
Trains are great, although they seem to attract a certain quality of people. Not to be too classist, let’s just say the type of people that shop on the television, and are afraid to fly, yet keep a gun in their bedroom. Was that fair? A guy on the dining car was amazed that I could watch movies on my laptop. What’s next, is he gonna shoot arrows at a helicopter and call it a Sky Bird? Let’s just say people are idiots, even if it was a socio-economic thing. I can’t help it that my life is awesome, go find some people to screw over, and then your grand kids will be spoiled brats too. My grandpa delivered pies, and from what I can see in pictures, a few didn’t make it there. Justify my classism in the trade-off of most of the people I critique being homophobic and violent.
That thought was supposed to go into the point that we need to, as a nation, invest in a more comprehensive high speed rail system. We could build trains that ran on electricity, got us between places like New York and Chicago, San Francisco and LA, with travel times around two hours. California passed the bill to make exactly this, but they barely can afford to stay a state. Then again they elected a cartoon robot to their executive branch, so go figure. How would you expect fiscal responsibility to come from a guy with seventeen hummers? Right now our rail system is old and ineffective. The only high speed train is the Acela, between DC and Boston, and it cost about two hundred dollars to go one way, which is twice as much as a roundtrip airplane ticket. Awesome. I’m just saying if we subsidized ticket prices and built the system, it would create a lot of jobs, and then also lower our emissions drastically.
Also we shouldn’t let everybody drive everyday, especially in New York, take the last digit in your license plate, and odds can’t drive three days a week, evens the other three, Sundays you can drive where ever the fuck you want. It lowered emissions in cities like Bogota and Mexico City by half. Why am I laying out the platform for my 2012 campaign? Cause I’m a winner.
Before I go mad with no sleep and dehydration, let me go over how much I love the South again. Now I know that this all comes from the experience of a white boy, but I was really surprised at how nice and open-minded everyone was in South Carolina. It was truly no more conservative(feeling) than Washington state or New York City. They love their Jesus down here, but for the most part everyone is just like me, except add a southern accent, and then relax. I think like all shitty things, the conservatives yell more, so they get more attention, but people were seriously the most pleasant folks I’ve ever been around. All the shows were great, audience never batted an eye over material, and they were great to hang with afterwards. As for Southern Hospitality, yesterday I had the day off, and was trying to burn off Easter without playing third wheel on some of Rory or Jay’s family stuff, so I hid in a coffeeshop, but one of Rory’s friend’s moms found me there, and had me come to their place to hang out with their family. We (Rory’s friend, his Mom, her 91 year old mother, and her nurse, plus four dogs all varying in size and shape) sat on the porch and chatted for about three hours. I never relax like that, especially around strangers. It was great.
Ok, this made no sense, but I’m off to LA for the week, then San Fran, then Seattle, and then Portland for the Bridgetown comedy festival. You can check it out here, the fest is so much fun, and there’s amazing comics coming from all over the nation.
If anyone knows anyone driving to SF from LA next Saturday, I got gas money. I just made my blog a shitty Craigslist ad.
Ok I’m done blogging, off to find landmarks from Outkast songs, and then to get robbed.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 5, 2010 5:03 pm

    Great show in Greenville, Andy. And great blog. Hey, if you are looking for close-minded venues to play in the South, I can hook you up.

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